Counselling for NICU parents in South Surrey and BC
NICU Parent Experience
A safe place to process ALL birth stories
MANAGE BIG WORRIES
COPE WITH STRESS
"A mighty flame follows a tiny spark"
- Mary Davis -
No one understands what it means to take it "day-by-day" and "moment-by-moment" quite like a parent with a baby in the NICU. For many NICU parents, the worries, feelings of concern, and feelings about the events, do not necessarily end when it's time to go home, though they may shift.
Whether in the midst of a NICU stay or navigating life after NICU, having support for your family is essential.
CHALLENGES RELATED TO
A NICU JOURNEY
While every journey is different, many parents on a NICU journey (including during a NICU stay, or even years later) describe some common experiences. Perhaps you may see some of the concerns and challenges you are facing below:
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Medical: stresses accompanying the potential medical uncertainties or complications your baby (or you) may be experiencing. Many NICU parents are challenged by having to become medical advocates overnight and adapt to/learn the culture of the hospital or healthcare environment.
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Attachment: concerns related to feeling connected and developing attachment with baby while adjusting to factors you had not anticipated.
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Logistical: Stressors related to arranging "life" (work, commuting, childcare for siblings) around your baby and family's current needs.
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Social: Difficulty connecting with friends and social ties, or the paradox of really needing social support but simply not having the bandwidth to reach out.
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Internal: Challenges with self-blame, doubt, intrusive thoughts, large-scale emotions, the effects of trauma
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Relational: little time to nurture your relationship to feel connected to your partner, differences in coping styles, feeling as though the relationship has changed.
How Therapy Can Help
Here are just a few of the ways therapy can provide support related to your NICU experience.
01
Safe expression of emotions
Sometimes parents in stressful situations or functioning in survival mode are afraid what will happen if they touch into their emotions. And yet, their feelings are brimming at the surface. Therapy can provide an avenue to release emotions in the way that feels safe and contained, according to where you are "at." Some describe it as taking some of the pressure out of the pressure cooker.
03
Promote empowerment
When we are faced with situations out of our control, we can feel deeply disempowered. It can be important to discern what is in our control and what is not, in order to provide a path of empowerment forward. Therapy can help identify the difference, so when/where it is possible to find solutions, steps or ways to impact a situation, this can be done. Where/when this isn't possible, sometimes the control we have is to give ourselves permission and a supportive space to grieve or attend to our emotions.
05
Support to partnerships
Many partners feel an impact on their relationship after extremely stressful circumstances and this is often true for NICU parents. Partners can carry concern for each other, feel distant or hold unspoken expectations or wishes for certain kinds of support. Opening up communication in a healthy way in the therapy room can help you to feel more connected and create opportunities for shared joy.
02
Changing support with your changing needs
The emotional support needs you have may change as you move throughout the NICU journey. As such, your therapy journey can mirror these needs. Early stages may benefit from strategies to help you feel grounded, manage anxieties, communicate with hospital staff, while later stages may involve eliciting more support at home, easing worries around ongoing growth /development, or beginning to process the impact of trauma or trauma-related coping.
04
Ongoing attachment support
All parents can benefit from a supportive person in their corner as they work through the new identity of being a parent - and all the associated changes and feelings. NICU parents can experience all of these normal adjustments but may find themselves feeling particularly sensitive to some, including forming attachment with their baby/child. Providing you support and knowledge around building attachment and your sense of confidence in parenting can be helpful to both you and your baby.
06
Making a space for you
With so many important competing demands, it is likely that you often place yourself last on the list. However, the importance of your well-being cannot be understated. Therapy gives you the opportunity to have a space just for you. Where you can leave behind the concerns about saying the "wrong" thing or hiding how you really feel. A place to just be you can be incredibly healing all on its own.
